Saturday, November 12, 2005

feb 27, 1937. ayn rand :

Incidental question : a librarian writing about library building, insists that libraries must be made to look as accessible to the public as possible--to "bring the library nearer to the people." "Spacious and inviting entrances are placed at grade level, close to the public thoroughfare, with as few steps as possible between the pedestrian and the building."

This may be quite sound in relation to library architecture, but the question it raises, in a more general sense, is this : is it advisable to spread out all the conveniences of culture before people to whom a few steps up a stair to a library is a sufficient deterrent from reading?

i love that notion.
why do we try to force what we think is "good" and "advisable" down people's throats?
epitome : learn creative thinking.

regarding the library--
what of the disabled?
where is the line of "few steps" drawn?
should we be putting more steps in just to make sure the library only gets those earnest enough to scale the (literal) heights toward knowledge?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Fall Concert 2005 : New Season

Holy is the Lamb

Worthy, is the Lamb
Worthy, Him that was slain for the world
Worthy, is the Lamb
That was slain for the sins of the world (x2)

Precious, is the Lamb
Precious, that laid down His life for the world
Precious, is the Lamb
That was slain for the sins of the world (x2)

Holy, is the Lamb
Holy, His blood that was shed for the world
Holy, is the Lamb
That was slain for the sins of the world (x2)

Worthy, is the Lamb (x2)
Precious, is the Lamb (x2)
Holy, is the Lamb (x2)

God's Will is What I Want

God's will is what I want for my life
God's will is what I want for my life

I'll do what You want me to do
I'll say what you want me to say
I'll go where you want me to go
God's will is what I want for my life

I'll give up every fault
I'll sing Your praise forevermore
I'll be what You want me to be
God's will is what I want for my life

God's will is what I want
God's will is what I want
God's will is what I want
For my life

Trust and Obey

God's a new thang (thing :] ) He's gonna do for you
He's already promised He's gonna see us through
God's got a new thang He's gonna do for you
If you trust and obey

He's gonna bring you out
He's gonna make it alright

If you trust Him, trust Him
If you trust Him, trust Him

If you trust and obey

Lord, Just Be Pleased

What if God is unhappy with our praise?
What is He is not pleased with the way we live?
What if He takes away His love, and His spirit from above;
What if God is unhappy with the way we praise?

What if God is not happy with the way we live?
What if He is not pleased with the way we give?
What if He takes away His love, and His spirit from above;
What if God is unhappy with the way we live?

We must change the way we walk,
We must change the way we talk,
We must live a life that's pleasing to our King;
We must read God's Holy word,
Let His praises be heard;
Lord, just be pleased with the way we live

Lord, just be pleased (repeats)
Lord just be pleased with the way we live

Monday, November 07, 2005

my persistent lover.

so it was, years ago, when i was lying in a drunken stupor for 3 hours when my dad found me.
i was the son of a pastor, a seminary leader, and i had been perpetually high for 3 months now.
jobless, not attending college or anything, i had found a group of friends.
we got a kick out of it.
a kick out of hash, out of booze.
one night, when i came home drunk and high--this was the first time my dad saw this, although he knew what i had been up to--he told me that he loved me, and that nothing i did would change his love for me.
he also told me, though, that i couldn't keep doing this.
i could not be allowed to do this in this family's home.

baseline, it seemed, he was telling me to get out.
i didn't though; he didn't force me either.

more weeks passed, still the same old stupor, the same old drunkenness.
one night, i came home to find my dad sitting out on the porch, waiting up for me.
of course, i was drunk.
he said to me: you know i love you, and i always will. because i love you, i've changed the locks. if you want a key, you have to obey the rules of this family.
i took some of my things, stole my dad's wallet, and ran.

for the next three months, i stayed in a house with the rest of my friends.
the night of my first birthday away from home, i was--as usual--drunk and passed out. everyone was, i suppose, drunk or unconscious.
my dad came into the room.
the room littered with beer cans, with open pizza boxes, with rotting food.
the front door of the house had been wide open.
i lay where i was, a girl knocked out beside me, afraid of what my dad would do.
would he kick and scream, would be take my head and shake me awake?
i pretended to be asleep.

he just stood there, for a really long time, and looked at me.
i wondered what he was thinking.
then he came over, knelt down.
he kissed my forehead.
kissed me tenderly.
and then he left.

the story of a wayward youth, with a persistent lover for a father.
eventually, he went back to college, got a degree, and chose to go to the seminary.
he's now a pastor.
many years later, his dad asked him what turned him around.
he told him the story.

what a heart He has.
to love one who has so grievously hurt Him, who intentionally defies and disappoints him.
no greater love, indeed.

Monday, May 23, 2005

anggi and anjeli

oh, thank God.

i can't imagine the torment faced by their parents being subject to the intense spotlight of their children's operation. the pressure of dealing with the birth of conjoined twins, the pain faced by their beloved offspring.
a stab to their hearts for each cry; no, make that two stabs for each twin.

how do we deal with being understanding of their need for privacy and our desire to know/pray/care for the family undergoing a period of trial?

praise God for separate wombs, vaginas and urethras.
and praise God for the dedicated doctors.

i want to feel this thankful forever.
i think of the failed operation on the iranian twins, and how i have since been desensitized from the pain that i felt during that period.
the intensity of my emotions are so easily forgotten.
do i feel the tragedy of dec 26th, 2004?
i recall weeping over the newspapers, and yet now, it seems distant.
am i the unfeeling creature that i think poachers are?


maybe that's why i keep falling into the same emotional spiral.
God, get me out of it.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

talofa lava

basically means greetings! (talofa = greetings, lava = !)
isn't that cool?
to have a word for the exclamation mark?
and also, talofa bears a deeper meaning than mere greetings.
alofa = love,
so talofa has an intense affection associated with it.

i wonder if i can then write "talofa lava!"
coz it would then technically be... as awful as saying "ATM machine".

everyone's gone from madison, and it's kinda lonely now, truly.
jo's still here, but her mom and sis are around.
sarah's back home in sunny singapore,
mingzi's en route home, somewhere across the pacific now,
soren's up in duluth,
i guess i'm looking forward to houston :]
meeting the mommy.

i feel kinda... disjointed from the dual realities that i live in.
madison, wi. and singapore, singapore.

so i live the student life in madison.
during the semester, everything is regimented, is scheduled.
i know what i'm doing from monday to friday, i know i have gospel wednesday nights, i have fish & rice on friday nights.
now that exams are over, as much as i was pining for this time now, i feel... empty.
futility in my time spent (i think it has something to do with my poorly run protein His-tag column yesterday).
and so, life in madison now feels wrong. there's a distinct lack of bustle on campus, and in my life.
no deadlines to meet.

and singapore.
i miss that place, blast it.
yet going back holds a black apprehension.
there're people back home with whom i keep in constant contact with, there are those with whom i hold an autonomous friendship--so going back feels like its never left, and there are those whom i treasure but have failed miserably in my communication with.
what do i do?
can any friendship assumed as autonomous?
what if we change so much, and in such different directions, that we can't recognize our past friendship?
or worse yet, what if we live solely on nostalgia?
how do we rescue that sort of friendship?


i'm wondering what'll happen with my best friends as years elapse.
jo goes home to work,
sarah and mingzi go for their PhDs,
i go home to work, or i do my masters,
all of us, at some point, get married.
we lead our separate lives,
we no longer stay together, or on the same campus,
we no longer have a common exam period,
we no longer have the same kitchen.
we have other commitments.
what do we do?

i feel an ominous portent.
long-distance friendships don't go down well.
perhaps endeavoring to make my thoughts non-self-fulfilling might be more useful than all this depressing talk of parting.

Friday, April 15, 2005

(if you happen to be the sole soul reading this very pathetically updated blog, thank you. :] )

was just thinking the other day: what did Jesus think about in the times when he was not preaching or healing or praying?

was he... thinking about who'd come to him next? i mean, he already knew, so... did he even have to think about it?
did he think about the crucifixion? how it would be like, hanging there utterly clothed in sin and feeling God turn away?
or... what did he do growing up?
did he play in the sand, learning to read and write before all the other kids, or was he just just a typical kid growing up in Nazareth?
how did Jesus' laugh sound like?
what kind of jokes did he make? (God is not mirthless!)

i wonder.
i suppose i won't know til a while yet.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

how crappy can a day get?!
it's not even something that i can pinpoint, it's just getting out on the usual side of bed (the other's flush against the wall of photos) and not feeling that this day is going to amount to anything at all.

i refuse to attribute it to being a monday, coz that means nothing to me; furthermore, i have bible study on monday nights, so i'm generally supposed to be happy coz i get to be with the people i love.

BUTTT.... i'm not.

no logical explanation to it, but i suppose moods don't need to be determined by a causal event.

i think that i was attempting to get rid of negative energy via expulsion on this bloggums thing.
not sure if it's gonna work, i'm feeling only marginally better.

bah bah.
bah bah black sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

maybe it helped a little.

back to analytical chemistry.
ANAL chem.
anal-retentive chemistry.

love to all.