Wednesday, February 16, 2005

many people i need to call, many people i need to write.
and not outta obligation, but coz i really miss them.
the irony of it all is that i feel stumped when i sit down with a pen or (oft is the case) a keyboard.
where on earth do i begin?

i think that i can't count the number of times i've started out an email/letter by saying "i'm really sorry for..." and the beginning paragraph is littered with (unfortunately) my favorite word "lackadaisical"--referring to me.

being in madison feels like i've put my singapore-life on hold for as long as i'm gone.

like a rented movie.
runrunrunrunrun-PAUSE to get a cuppa water-runrunrunrunrunrun-PAUSE to pee-runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun
and it keeps going.
i don't know if that's right: maybe
- my two lives are intentionally dislocated
- i am actually schizophrenic (USA-singapore)

think it's neither, thank God.
i personally find it a struggle to balance out both sides of my life.
then when i talk to people i have to catch them up with whatever happened before so that it can set the stage for whatever's happening now.
and if i fail to communicate early/often enough in the semester, then i fall behind and i never feel that i can catch up.
vicious cycle.

i think sometimes it's like that at home too, between groups of friends.
two separate parts of rachel (coherent but not identical.)

i don't know whether to feel sad or happy about this.
i'd like to say that i'm inclined to be happy at the number of people with whom i can share a friendship with, but yet the capacity of time perpetually threatens to dilute each interaction.

melancholic day.

i love my friends, really, even if it may not show, now that i'm over here.

(side note: mingzi and i are doing a project on long-distance communication and friendship. anyone wanna participate in the survey? :] our target participants are those in a close long-distance relation-/friendship. will post the final project article here after we're done.)


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