Monday, May 23, 2005

anggi and anjeli

oh, thank God.

i can't imagine the torment faced by their parents being subject to the intense spotlight of their children's operation. the pressure of dealing with the birth of conjoined twins, the pain faced by their beloved offspring.
a stab to their hearts for each cry; no, make that two stabs for each twin.

how do we deal with being understanding of their need for privacy and our desire to know/pray/care for the family undergoing a period of trial?

praise God for separate wombs, vaginas and urethras.
and praise God for the dedicated doctors.

i want to feel this thankful forever.
i think of the failed operation on the iranian twins, and how i have since been desensitized from the pain that i felt during that period.
the intensity of my emotions are so easily forgotten.
do i feel the tragedy of dec 26th, 2004?
i recall weeping over the newspapers, and yet now, it seems distant.
am i the unfeeling creature that i think poachers are?


maybe that's why i keep falling into the same emotional spiral.
God, get me out of it.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

talofa lava

basically means greetings! (talofa = greetings, lava = !)
isn't that cool?
to have a word for the exclamation mark?
and also, talofa bears a deeper meaning than mere greetings.
alofa = love,
so talofa has an intense affection associated with it.

i wonder if i can then write "talofa lava!"
coz it would then technically be... as awful as saying "ATM machine".

everyone's gone from madison, and it's kinda lonely now, truly.
jo's still here, but her mom and sis are around.
sarah's back home in sunny singapore,
mingzi's en route home, somewhere across the pacific now,
soren's up in duluth,
i guess i'm looking forward to houston :]
meeting the mommy.

i feel kinda... disjointed from the dual realities that i live in.
madison, wi. and singapore, singapore.

so i live the student life in madison.
during the semester, everything is regimented, is scheduled.
i know what i'm doing from monday to friday, i know i have gospel wednesday nights, i have fish & rice on friday nights.
now that exams are over, as much as i was pining for this time now, i feel... empty.
futility in my time spent (i think it has something to do with my poorly run protein His-tag column yesterday).
and so, life in madison now feels wrong. there's a distinct lack of bustle on campus, and in my life.
no deadlines to meet.

and singapore.
i miss that place, blast it.
yet going back holds a black apprehension.
there're people back home with whom i keep in constant contact with, there are those with whom i hold an autonomous friendship--so going back feels like its never left, and there are those whom i treasure but have failed miserably in my communication with.
what do i do?
can any friendship assumed as autonomous?
what if we change so much, and in such different directions, that we can't recognize our past friendship?
or worse yet, what if we live solely on nostalgia?
how do we rescue that sort of friendship?


i'm wondering what'll happen with my best friends as years elapse.
jo goes home to work,
sarah and mingzi go for their PhDs,
i go home to work, or i do my masters,
all of us, at some point, get married.
we lead our separate lives,
we no longer stay together, or on the same campus,
we no longer have a common exam period,
we no longer have the same kitchen.
we have other commitments.
what do we do?

i feel an ominous portent.
long-distance friendships don't go down well.
perhaps endeavoring to make my thoughts non-self-fulfilling might be more useful than all this depressing talk of parting.